thatgreeneyedgirl

  *Skims last post* Jeez, you know it's a rough post when there's no gifs breaking it up.  Hellowwwww.  I find it amazing how much a month alone changes things. I'm in a better place... For the most part. I got a text that He was having a parole hearing next month in September. I've gotten a text like that and it didn't really bug me before. This time, ooooh I was triggered. It was bad dreams and high anxiety all the past 4 days. I seem to be doing better. I seem to keep rolling around the same ideas and the same opinions. A part of me wants to go to the hearing, but the rational side knows that will do more harm then good. I was more spooked that I was even effected. I don't care that He could get out. He'll just go back in. But I was genuinely messed up for a couple days over it. Even therapy didn't help long lasting. I don't know what I'm afraid of. What is scaring me? Nothing in my life ever goes well when He's in it. So I don't think...

Hello.  I don't know why I have so much in my brain, and then it's not coming out. Like PLEASE GET OUT I would like to have some peace. But that will never happen, cus my brain is broken. That's all I seem to say lately. I don't know, I think I'm in a mixed mood. I like wanna die, but like I also wanna do xyz all at once. My body isn't vibrating like it does when I get manicy, but like mentally I'm wired, but physically I can't express it. Physically it's like I'm in mud that takes your shoe away, and you're panicing to get your shoe back, but you keep getting stuck.  I've been feeling like this for weeks if I'm being honest. I keep doubting the mania, because it's not.. there? But it is, the depression is just covering it. Suffocating it. I also think that's why I was all, I don't have bipolar, I'm normal because having both highs and lows are normal. But this is always x10 with me. It's not just like I'm havi...

It's a month later. That's progress. :) Progress not perfection. Anyway, I seem to get into these phases where I'm like obsessed? with my past. I haven't been for a while, been nice. But lately it's been creeping in my head again. I'll explain. So I took out my old Macbook Pro to see if it worked still and if I could get some old videos I've made in the last 10 years. And somehow it turned on!!!!!!! I had spilled beer all over it and was pretty sure it was a gonner, even though I had just fixed it. Anyway after a long couple days of transfering videos to a USB to my Acer it crapped out again, it would turn off but I was able to get it back, I couldn't this last time. I had been debating weither or not to fix it or not just to get 2 more videos. I might still and and pictures just so I have them, you know? But if it's going to be a crazy amount of money then no, because I wouldn't really ever use the laptop again. I rarely use my Dell.  So...

Seriously Why  Bother This should just go into the chest of the many things I give up on. I don't try too, but I end up doing it anyway, or not doing it. And then it all becomes updates. Which I guess is the point in  a way. But I don't want it to just be updates. I used to have weekly posts planned out. Maybe I'll do that again. I also want to deep clean, do art, wash everything (I think I have bed bugs >.< got chewed up this week.) I also want to play video games. I swear I wrote out a schedule that would be perfect, but I'm not using it, just like my meds I'm not taking. I hate them but I hate not having structure either. I gotta get my shit together. I start school in less then a week, and I am totally not ready. But here we are anyway.  So I guess I should give a quick update, it's been a couple months. We're all in "quarantine" I quote it because no ones abiding by it. Covid-19. It's kinda scary. I'm trying...

Hi.  Almost a year? 11 months?  Nah seriously I forgot all about this blog. I've never been good with consistency. I had to do a project for my Business Management Communications class that had to do with looking at blogs I think. Honestly, I don't even remember. And truthfully, this blog didn't even come to my mind immediately I was thinking shoot if I have to make a blog, I have to get a new account ect ect. Then I realized it was just to mimic a blog layout on Word.......... Boy was my last min homework debacle less.... debaucl-y  No no, it wasn't til HOURS later that I thought of looking this blog up again. So. Here we are. It's February, the last time I posted was in March, of last year. So let's just call it a year it's close enough lol.  You know what's ironic, I'm listening to Selena Gomez's new album Rare, while posting Demi Lovato gifs Aaaand I've switched to Halsey. Sorry Sel. I don'...

Is it almost April?  ................................. Yup.  School and work just kinda sucked the life out of me since January.  So here's the quick low-down of what's been going on.  I was a manager  I wasn't a manager  School sucked the life out of me, but I'm still getting A's and B's  I have wanted to walk out of my job multiple times  I've cried over my job I've been applying like a fene to other places  I started going to program multiple times a week  Saw an APRN and got on ADD meds Lol they didn't work-made me more manic  Told her everything about my moods and she confirmed I have bipolar disorder.. BIPOLAR DISORDER 1 BY THE WAY NOT 2 JUST 1 LIKE REALLY REALLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYY?  So I'm back on Lamictal  I got blood work to see how my organs were for Lithium I had reserves about that medication to begin with  Got my bloodwork, sugars still high.  She wants me to get ...