Hola friends! I'm excited to announce the first topic! It's a program slogan. Now I have been in a 12 step program since I was 16 years old, (I'm 23 now). I started in Alateen, and moved in to Alanon, dappled in AA here and there though it wasn't for me. But I've stayed in Alanon.
Alateen, however has saved my life. I am forever grateful for my therapist back in the day who suggested I go. I'm thankful that even though he was a nightmare, my ex went with me. I'm thankful my dad was open to bringing me. I'm not going to get into the details of program because that's not what this is about, just know I'm forever grateful for everyone I've met over the past 7 years. And always rest in peace Debbie. Thanks to her I came back week after week. She really helped build the foundation of the program I have today, and I miss her so much.
Also before I go on, because this needs to be explained if you don't know what these programs are. In a quick snapshot:
Cool? Cool.
One of the things that program has are slogans. They're probably what kept me coming back, because I always liked little sayings and such. It was easier to remember and it all fit together, making the steps easier to understand and connect to real life. I can go on and on about how much I love the slogans, and picking just one is so hard. But there's one that I go back to all the time, and I think it really relates to my life now and who I was back then as well.
H A L T
H ungry
A ngry
L onley
T ired
This slogan is a check list, when things are getting really hard and overwhelming, I can run through these and see what's bothering me.
Am I hungry? Eat something, preferably healthy, so you don't get a sugar crash
Am I angry? Try and find the root of the problem to work on it and let it go
Am I lonley? Reach out to someone, even if it's just a text, if they can hang out that's even better
Am I tired? Time for a nap or a shut down for a little bit. Your body needs a break now and then too
Somedays, I find the culprit to my mood disruptive, and sometimes it's more then one. It's hard when it seems like it's all 4 of them, and you never know where to start to fix the problems. I'm already feeling overwhelmed, and it feels like all of these letters are just even more on top of what's going on. So just take one letter at a time. It may not seem that simple in the moment, but it is.
And if at the end, nothing feels better, I ask myself was I present in those moments I tried to fix how I was feeling. If I'm upset, and then eating upset, angrily trying to figure out what's making me angry, numb and isolating, not wanting to cause anyone a disturbance, or fighting sleep, of course I'm not gonna feel any better. In order to feel better, I have to want to feel better. Sometimes I lay in my self pitty, which is fine, for a short time. Then it's time to get things figured out because misery loves company, but I don't love misery.
Usually I find that going through the letters a couple times helps. Even reading my daily literature helps. It brings me back to center, which is where I crave to be, it's where I'm the happiest. and safest. And that's all we want in this lifetime, is to feel safe and sane (Or as sane as we can)
I will go to meetings until the day I die. I don't like thinking about where I would be without them, it's like thinking about where I would be if I kept my abusive ex around. It's not a pretty picture. There was a time where I was living my program, and it showed! I was pleasant to be around, not everything was the end of the world. However, I'm human and I make mistakes. I have social anxiety, so if I'm not at least 5 minutes early I won't go, because God forbid I walk into a meeting, when it's started. But I'm working on it. I'm taking it one day at a time, and I am learning to love myself in the process.
If you or someone you know struggles with addiction, and it's bothering you or them, consider going to a meeting. I'm not saying it will change your life, but it could help. It's not for everyone, like AA meetings aren't for me, with my addiction struggles, but the 12 steps help. Every meeting's different, if you're looking to get better, you may have to try different times and locations to find the one. I go to a few a week (Or try) it's taken me a while to find ones I like, but once I like them I try to always go. I know my life is better with program in it. And all I can do is take care of me.
So thanks for listening to my share on program and what it's done for me. Next week's topic will be..... Thanksgiving themed! Not all the topics will be heavy, some will be light hearted, and I will try and do an update at the beginning of the month. I have the next couple months planned out, and I'm excited to get into this!
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